Trailblazer or Jail bait?

Isn’t it shocking that this decade is about to come to an end but slut-shaming is still a thing? How do you apply derogatory terms towards someone based on their clothing or even their behavior? Why are we stuck in this terrible mindset? Why does society have to perceive us based on how we dress or present ourselves in public? And why is it that most of the time it’s going to be another woman who can’t retain herself from putting you down or making you feel dirty?

We haven’t progressed much. Our mindsets are not too different from our ancestors’ mindsets. I truly believe that we all should have the right to dress however we please, without having to hear “slut, jail bait, hoochie, prude…” its simple, STOP sexualizing female body parts. Dress codes promote nothing but rape culture and society’s standards lead to conformity. I just don’t understand what society’s problem is with women doing what they please. Don’t shame me for what I choose to do with my body. Someone’s reaction towards my body or the way I choose to present myself shouldn’t be my problem.

To all the young girls and women out there, don’t let anyone make you feel dirty or ashamed for doing what you feel is right. Someone’s going to have to be a trailblazer and create their path. Society’s never going to change if we’re not the ones implementing and bracing for change. We need to stop this double standard where girls are getting punished and boys are getting recognized for the same behavior. This is nothing but degenerating and toxic for all those affected by it. Slut-shaming just creates a hierarchical patriarchal structure and I say patriarchy because we seem to be the second class citizens who are inferior to men who also seem to be on top of the heap. Its time society stops sending conflicting messages to the leaders of tomorrow. It hurts many lives – so why don’t we stop it already?

26 Comments

  1. Great post and I agree. We’ve been stuck with this double standard for men vs women (for so many things) way too long. I know I was guilty of talking about a person’s clothing. Never to someone’s face. Guys can mostly dress how they want and sleep with however many partners they want. But women get called out on it. Still. I hope that one day it will stop. It definitely starts with children having good roll models.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. The problem lies in the definition of nudity : how much we should cover/expose? Because in Afghan society, a woman without a burqah is an impure slut. In the Indian society, a woman clad Saree or Salwar Kameez is virtuous (jeans are for sluts). In the western society, religious zealots frown upon bikinis. So it’s the matter of perception. I wish I’m born somewhere in the U.S. because I treasure my liberty.

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  3. Hi! Thanks for stopping by my page and sharing this with me. I would say that “slut-shaming” should be reserved for actual sluts; meaning those who have casual sex, sleep around, dress in an excessively sexual way, and behave promiscuously. I think it’s important to shame behaviors that are bad for the individual and society.

    I do think that Muslim communities are by far the guiltiest when it comes to treating women like sluts for non-slut behavior, like not covering their heads (which is a requirement to be Muslim, sadly). But for the most part, I don’t think slut-shaming is an issue in the West. I’ve certainly never been called a slut, to my face at least, and I don’t dress super conservatively, nor do I know anyone who has been called a slut without just cause.

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  4. It’s sad when women are bringing other women down. Especially when women slut shame one another

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  5. Till we bring up our boys differently so that they learn to respect a woman irrespective of her body shape and the clothes she wears, slut- shaming cannot be wished away. Mindsets don’t change easily, it will take a whole generation to pass before we see a change in thinking.
    And by the way, Kiran, if you engage with other bloggers by asking for their opinion, please do find time to respond to them. Blogging becomes more interesting and interactive that way. Have fun. 🙂

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  6. I don’t have much to comment on it. Your article is such a good one. Talk about the sexualization of women and body shaming.

    We still live in a patriarch society. Where men supersede women.

    There is something seriously wrong with a society that frowns upon public breastfeeding, yet is fine with public urination by men.

    Making a decidedly strong statement against body-shaming and asserting that girls are not a distraction, no matter what they wear.

    Teachers should be educating students on how to challenge cultural norms, expand their minds, and think critically about the messages they receive. Instead, young girls are being humiliated, objectified, and sexualized—with emotionally devastating consequences. These humiliation comes from men especially.

    This discrimination and sexism are seen in road corner, establishment ,bank and school.

    These women/girls feel they are “a distraction” to boys/men. They’re immersed in a culture where female face sexual harassment due to what they wear.

    Based on my knowledge about feminism, I will back up my comment with some good quote from my favourite feminist.

    BACK UP 1

    According to a popular literature book “””. Dear ijeawele or a feminist manifesto in fifteen suggestions “”” which was written by our own renowned FEMINIST Ngozi adichie chimamanda

    Here she says in her 10th suggestion:

    “””””””””””””” Sadly, women have learned to be ashamed and apologetic about pursuits that are seen
    as traditionally female, such as fashion and make-up. But our society does not expect men to
    feel ashamed of pursuits considered generally male – sports cars, certain professional sports.

    In the same way, men’s grooming is never suspect in the way women’s grooming is – a well dressed man does not worry that, because he is dressed well, certain assumptions might be
    made about his intelligence, his ability, or his seriousness. A woman, on the other hand, is
    always aware of how a bright lipstick or a carefully put-together outfit might very well make
    others assume her to be frivolous.
    Never ever link Chizalum’s appearance with morality. Never tell her that a short skirt is
    ‘immoral’. Make dressing a question of taste and attractiveness instead of a question of
    morality. If you both clash over what she wants to wear, never say things like ‘You look like a
    prostitute’, as I know your mother once told you. Instead say: ‘That dress doesn’t flatter you
    like this other one.’ Or doesn’t fit as well.Or doesn’t look as attractive.Or is simply ugly. But
    never ‘immoral’. Because clothes have absolutely nothing to do with morality.””””””””””””””””””

    BACK UP 2

    According to a popular literature book “””. Dear ijeawele or a feminist manifesto in fifteen suggestions “”” which was written by our own renowned FEMINIST Ngozi adichie chimamanda

    Here she says in her 12th suggestion:

    If the justification for controlling women’s bodies were about women themselves, then it would be understandable. If, for example, the reason was ‘women should not wear short skirts because they can get cancer if they do.’ Instead the reason is not about women, but about men. Women must be ‘covered up’ to protect men. I find this deeply dehumanizing because it reduces women to mere props used to manage the appetites of men.

    You are welcome ms

    #PATRICKSTORIES
    Peace ✌and Love ❤

    NOTE: “”” Ms “””” was attached here to your name because I believe you are a feminist and you run a feminist blog and also the way the popular FEMINIST Adichie Chimamanda Ngozi says in her book:

    According to a popular literature book “””. Dear ijeawele or a feminist manifesto in fifteen suggestions “””

    Here she says:

    “”””””‘ Mrs’ is a title I dislike because Nigerian society gives it too much value. I have observed too many cases of men and women who proudly speak of the title of Mrs as though those who
    are not Mrs have somehow failed at something. Mrs can be a choice, but to infuse it with as
    much value as our culture does is disturbing. The value we give to Mrs means that marriage
    changes the social status of a woman but not that of a man. (Is that perhaps why many women
    complain of married men still ‘acting’ as though they were single? Perhaps if our society asked
    married men to change their names and take on a new title, different from Mr, their behaviour
    might change as well? Ha!) But more seriously, if you, a twenty-eight-year-old master’s degree
    holder, go overnight frodo Ijeawele Eze to Mrs Ijeawele Udegbunam, surely it requires not just
    the mental energy of changing passports and licences but also a psychic change, a new
    ‘becoming’? This new ‘becoming’ would not matter so much if men, too, had to undergo it.
    I prefer Ms because it is similar to Mr. A man is Mr whether married or not, a woman is Ms
    whether married or not.

    “”””””””

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Hey, I love your blog! Can you make a post on society connected wearing makeup with being insecure.

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  8. Well written and a very strong post. I totally agree, as a woman you should feel free to wear what clothes you want and have the fear of having anyone making harsh comments or making you feel insecure.

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  9. I do think the world is getting better about this. When I was growing up, if a woman dressed a certain way, people would feel totally free to mock and ridicule her for it. Now there is at least some pushback against that kind of ridicule. Change is happening. It’s happening much slower than I’d like, but it is happening.

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    • Yes, I agree change is happening just not fast enough. However, we all need to be that change and empower women to step up and share their stories and not let how they dress define them!

      Liked by 1 person

  10. I think this is two-fold. I agree that women should not be slut-shamed and should feel free to dress how they want. However, it also angers me how women are portrayed in popular media. As a female gamer it is not uncommon to see female characters dressed in revealing clothes with all their “assets” on display. By displaying women like this we send a message. So the question becomes, how do we say it’s okay to dress as you want as a woman but still say, I’m not okay with media portraying women like this.

    Liked by 1 person

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